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Internally

Chaos / Lyrics / Internally

I don’t even know what to say to you,
Although i know what you see, to a degree,
In me the things that make you move.
But i feel like its all dispassionate-
Like i’m much to quiet.

I don’t feel open,
I don’t feel free,
I feel serious, I feel intense-
Or maybe the word is tense.

I hate time so much,
Because i value every moment-
And in those moments i say so little, i feel too careful,
And i know it’s strong, but it feels so fragile.

When i feel open i feel pain,
I feel like i’m going to smother you-
Like you may not want what i have to give,
Like i may not know how to give it to you.

I want you to see me,
Me in all my shapes and forms-
But i feel like the cat is hiding.

I don’t want control, as i’m sure you know-
What i do want is to be one.

But as i look to the future,
It makes me wonder-
If we’ll go our separate ways again soon.

If you were to stay with me,
And understand all of my ways-
I don’t know if i could offer any security

I can’t tell you that you will be happy,
In what my life could bring to you-
I can only offer you experiences,
Both pain and pleasure,
Good and evil, and it may very well scar you.

Everything i do is a risk,
And this is because i want it all-
Could you handle it if i lost everything?
Would you know what to do if i were to fall?

I believe in you,
I love you so much,
And i want you to be a part of my family-
I don’t want to take you down with me,
But i want you to be able to drink your fill-
I want you to taste life,
I want to give you what you crave-
But knowledge comes at a very high price,
The price of pain and sorrow and loneliness which may always stay.

I love you too much to deceive you,
So i’m laying it all on the line-
If happiness and pleasure is what you seek,
Then maybe we’ve already had our time…

The concepts of both ‘Good’ and ‘Evil’ are merely subjective associations in relation to a conditioned reaction to pain and pleasure.

The best way to contact me is through Facebook. From there i can give you other contact info if it’s required. If you want to talk about the topics in my blog, invite me to your discord or hit me up on FB. Commenting on my posts is a good start. I keep it all public in my efforts to change minds.

I don’t really have any interest in art commissions. My focus is building what i’m doing with The Chaos System and other audio production. I do appreciate it if you were interested, but your best bet would be to develop some kind of relationship with me first if you want to collaborate.