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Internally

Chaos / Lyrics / Internally

I don’t even know what to say to you,
Although i know what you see, to a degree,
In me the things that make you move.
But i feel like its all dispassionate-
Like i’m much to quiet.

I don’t feel open,
I don’t feel free,
I feel serious, I feel intense-
Or maybe the word is tense.

I hate time so much,
Because i value every moment-
And in those moments i say so little, i feel too careful,
And i know it’s strong, but it feels so fragile.

When i feel open i feel pain,
I feel like i’m going to smother you-
Like you may not want what i have to give,
Like i may not know how to give it to you.

I want you to see me,
Me in all my shapes and forms-
But i feel like the cat is hiding.

I don’t want control, as i’m sure you know-
What i do want is to be one.

But as i look to the future,
It makes me wonder-
If we’ll go our separate ways again soon.

If you were to stay with me,
And understand all of my ways-
I don’t know if i could offer any security

I can’t tell you that you will be happy,
In what my life could bring to you-
I can only offer you experiences,
Both pain and pleasure,
Good and evil, and it may very well scar you.

Everything i do is a risk,
And this is because i want it all-
Could you handle it if i lost everything?
Would you know what to do if i were to fall?

I believe in you,
I love you so much,
And i want you to be a part of my family-
I don’t want to take you down with me,
But i want you to be able to drink your fill-
I want you to taste life,
I want to give you what you crave-
But knowledge comes at a very high price,
The price of pain and sorrow and loneliness which may always stay.

I love you too much to deceive you,
So i’m laying it all on the line-
If happiness and pleasure is what you seek,
Then maybe we’ve already had our time…